The apples of my eye...

Friday, I had a wisdom tooth extracted, which my scared shitless self had to be knocked out for. I'd  seriously rather give birth umedicated (which I have 3 times), than go to the dentist. Go ahead, chuckle. It's got to be a phobia of some sort. I don't know, the word dentist is the definition of terror for me. Any rate, I'd like to thank the hubby for sitting patiently in the waiting room of the dentists office, the look of concern on his face when I was called back from the waiting room and the kiss and "I love you", for putting up with my truth serum induced ramblings upon waking from the anesthesia and whatever I was running my mouth about America?, for taking care of me and letting me sleep when I needed to and for going to the grocery to pick up every can of plain soup you could find so I would not starve and waste away to nothing. I love you.

Some antibiotics, pain pills and soup later, and I was good to go...

While at the grocery store to get the soup, my Mother in Law who went with the hubby and Middle Little, slipped on some grapes and wet "stuff" in the floor and hit her head on produce crates and hurt her hip and hand! :-( I got a call from the hubby that they were waiting on an ambulance to get to the store. To say my first reaction was of worry is an understatement. I didnt know what was going on, all I knew was Abbie was with them and the Mother bear in me came out center stage. After I was informed of what was going on, the panic turned into concern. The Mother in Law is going to be okay, just banged up and sore.

Onward into the weekend....

Some days I feel a bit of guilt and worry that Middle Little is not getting 100% of the attention she should, and somehow she is getting the shaft. I wonder at times if she remembers being the only Little in the house, or if she just thinks brother has always been here. Us girls have to spend time together, just us, doing the things we like doing and having each others complete attention. (Of course vice versa with brother as well.) So Saturday was a spa day. Abbie loves her spa days and getting pedicures. (What girl doesnt?)

Soaked floors - now you know you had a good time

in the bath when the floors get cleaned too.

Not sure what the toe separators are for...lol.

Time for spa refreshments.. little did I know that Abbie tricked me into giving

her another Yoohoo after Daddy had already given her one a short time before.

Giving the tootsies a blow dry...

The weather is finally starting to shift outside. Getting a little cooler out with a nice breeze here and there. Good weather to sit outside, relax and watch the Little's play and explore. So, with that being said... I am about to overload this post with a few outdoor, enjoying the weather, snacktime pics. You know what they say about an apple a day keeping the doctor away (or in my case, hopefully the dentist) ....

And here comes Middle Little working the runway in her personally styled "do". Loving the 80's style, Olivia Newton John, look here....

Because sharing is what good sisters do....

Forced sharing... not so good...

Brother wanting another bite....

Brother really wanting another bite...

Poor brother. It's okay, one day in the near future, you are going to be much bigger.

Yes, big enough to have an apple of your very own. Patience my little grasshopper.

Mine no more.

He is gone. :-( Can you hear me gently sobbing and wiping the sniffles away?)

As of today, he is mine no more. I was at work when the man came to get him. I'm glad, as I probably would have refused to hand over the title without tearing it up and doing a little dance while singing in a Mad Hatter sort of way, "It's mine, It's mine" before jumping in the car and driving off as fast as I could. Hubby saved the original key for me as a keepsake (although refuses to give me the mans address that bought him ;-). As stupid as it sounds, its my little piece of him.

On the way home from work late last night, I smelled the Desert Jasmine car perfume that hubby put in the new car for me (I think he feels sorry for me and is trying to "help")... it made me cry. Its okay though, last night going to bed, I listened to the recording on my phone I made of the cars low growl as I drove it and it lulled me to sleep. It's going to be okay. It was mine, I enjoyed it, now its time for someone else to enjoy him. Im glad I had the chance.

Time to say goodbye.

I have never been one to be into material things. I know things come and go, and truly do not belong to us. We have to enjoy and appreciate what we have while we have it kind of thing. But this, yes this...

I do not know what it is about this car that makes me love it so. But I do love it so. Maybe its the first material thing in my life that I wanted so badly I actually cried and begged to have it for days. I did, I researched and absorbed anything I could about this piece of red metal on wheels... and when I thought it was out of my reach, I cried for days some more. When he became part of my family (yes, "he"), it was as if a new baby had been born and it was all mine to touch, smell and enjoy every inch of.

I cannot even describe how he makes me feel when I slide into his leather seats and he cradles me perfectly. If only the screen your looking at had scratch and sniff capabilities.... I would so share the indescribable leather infused with Desert Jasmine scent that fills the interior. (For the longest time, the guys that work at the local O'reilly auto part store knew me by name from walking into the store once a week and throwing my Desert Jasmine "car perfume" up on the counter. If they were out, they'd tell me not to worry, they had it on order for me.) I love the smell of his insides... I even roll the windows down in the heat just so the air circulates through the car and kicks the smell up a notch. *Deep breath in*

When I sit in this car, the drivers seat hugs me and form fits to every curve... the headrest sits just where it should to rest my head. The whole car was surely made just for me... the seat belt lays across me perfectly, my feet rest in the floor board comfortably, everything is within my reach without stretching out and looking to find it. The climate controlled inside is like travelling across town relaxed in your living room. The steering of this car is unlike anything else I've driven, it goes so smoothly where you want him to. Turning corners just, well, just "feels good". You barely steer to go where you want to go, it is so fluid. I feel like I could control the car with my eyes closed and a bit of mental telepathy.

This car took me many places, I labored comfortably in this car on the way to the birthing center with Middle Little and brought her home in it. Everywhere I went in this car I was mesmerized by the low growl he made while traveling down the streets. I swear if I just sit quitely and look at the hood really closely, I can see him alive and breathing.

 1994 Nissan - 300 ZX, Stage 4, which means not only do the exterior mods make the car

look sexy, the engine mods make this one fast ass car. Even sitting still looks fast.

Nothing lasts forever. It is time for me to say goodbye. As much as I want to keep him, I cannot. There is no longer room in my life for him. The Littles cannot safely ride in this car, and they come first (our other family car recently decided to just die). As much as I love my car, I love them more. Much more.

We now have a new family car. While it is really nice and I appreciate it, it just doesnt make me feel the same as "he" does. ;-) He is going to a new home in the next few days. Hopefully the man he is going to live with will love him just as much as I have, and will take good care of him. A piece of him will stay behind with me, and I'm thinking a tiny piece of me might go with him. I'll miss everything about it... in the words of Dr. Seuss  (cause you know I'm all about Seussisms) ~ "Dont Cry Because its over, smile because it happend." Yeah, what the hell, I cried... I'm not going to lie... I bawled like a spoiled brat. But, life goes on. Now, to settle in with the new car and see what kind of relationship we will have. ;-)

{This post's tunes:  "Everybody got their something" ~ Nikka Costa & "Drive" ~ Incubus}

He speaks!

Warning ~ Proud Mom moment...

Be-still my heart. My son spoke... yes, he said it, the word that makes all proud Moms instantly melt into a puddle of the warm fuzzies. My boy said "Momma". I cannot begin to describe the swelling of the heart with love when your Little calls your name out for the first time. It turns a regular day into something extraordinary! My girls both said "Dada" first. Not this little guy, nope... he chose me to "speak to" first. (Holds my hand over my heart and sighs with a smile.) Dad says he kept telling him he better say Momma first, after all, I am the milk supply. ;-) Now that he speaketh, there will be no silencing his little voice, and that is fine with this Momma. I cannot wait till the first time he says "I love you Momma". I know when Abbie says it, she melts her Daddy and I into a big puddle of "you can have just about anything you want at that moment".

I cannot believe around this time last year this was my Son (My Son. I like the way that sounds). Nestled all cozy inside baking to perfection, while Momma, Daddy and Sister were loving him from the outside (I will never forget how Abbie would pull my shirt up and put her doll bottle in my belly button and tell me she was feeding her brother).

 Now here we are, getting closer to a year later. I feel like just yesterday I was cradling him and taking in every detail of his tiny face while whispering "Hello handsome, I love you" in the birthing tub. Where does the time go?

Gotta' go, Littlest Little is climbing in my lap as I type sharing the tiniest nibbles of cake with me... his Momma. :-)

{This post's tune: "Loves me like a rock" ~ Paul Simon}

Standing room only...

This is it...as of the weekend, he stands and now cruises the furniture (insert Chariots of Fire music and lots of applause here). Oh how my heart skips a beat with pure joy and a proudness only a parent knows, and at the same time a deep sadness that he is in fact, growing up, no matter how hard I try to close my eyes and "will" him to slow down. Littlest Little has now decided that any room he is in, is a standing room only. He will inch worm his way to whatever he can find in a room to pull his little self up with a huge smile on his cherubic little face. He decided that learning to crawl was a waste of time I guess. He does his little inch-worm crawl... kind of pushing himself up into a push-up stance and then flinging his roly poly body forward. Well, I say that, later on in the night, he decided to just pick it up and crawl as if he knew how to do it all along. Not long now, and he will be upright walking on his two pudgy little feet. By Christmas perhaps, he will graduate to a walker.

Houston, I do believe we are ready for take off.

Josh is fascinated with the computer on the fireplace (there for the kids to play with). He likes to hit the buttons on the keyboard and knows where the button is to put the PC to sleep. He will hit the button and look at me and I will "wake" the computer up, and he will hit the button to make it go to sleep again and smile. 

Before I know it, he will be grown... a man. No longer a wee one to cradle and delight in his "newness" any more. That newb stage doesnt linger for very long... in a flash it is gone. Oh, how sad that makes me to think about. At the same time, I am excited to see where he goes in life. And, I don't care how old he is, he is my baby. For now I just enjoy every second, all of it.

So important to snap up moments any chance you can, freezing them in time. Rather, documenting life as it speeds by. I want to be surrounded by photos to spark the details in my memory when I am old and gray. I want to not only remember when my Littles did their "firsts", or everyday life adventures with family and friends, I want to keep these visual moments forever, then pass them on.

{This post's tune: "When I'm 64" ~ The Beatles}

All decked out...

I had my mind set on a small covered deck for our postage stamp sized back yard, something I could use for the kids to play on, do some outdoor yoga on, use for some natural light photography when needed, but more so just to hang out with the fam.

The hubby, well, he loves me, what can I say. Without question, he was up for the task and ready to saw, drill and hammer to make this momma happy. He spent hours at the hardware store going through three pallets of lumbar to pick the perfect boards, free from ink stamps and as straight as he could find. A labor of love.

I should have posted about it when he built it a couple weekends ago, but didnt (shame on me). Have been enjoying it as much as I can... will be better once the weather gets cooler and the mosquitos leave. Now I am on a mission to find the perfect patio swing and cushions to swing bundled up Littles on and sip coffee in the cooler months. Oh, and I cannot forget the draped cabana lights... I'll need some of those too, to complete  the ambiance.This will grow into my "vacation  staycation" area. My own little private island.

 The ground breaking...

Something about watching him work with his hands and build. Tough, strong hands that at the same time, are soft and gentle. It is beautiful. I have always loved watching him use his hands, whether it is building/repairing, playing the guitar, cooking, giving a good hug, or comforting and sweetly wiping the nose of a crying wee one, etc.. It is amazing what a persons hands can do in a lifetime.

Daddy's little helper and supervisor.

My score, found at Target on clearance... $25.00 for an outdoor rug!!!

Woo-hoo, yeah baby, I was stoked!

And about 8 hrs from start to finish... Dad's hard work. We spent the evening playing on it. Abbie showed us it's also her entertaining stage too... yes, cant wait to get that patio swing up and cabana lights to sit back and watch her sing and dance on her lit up stage.

Watching (supervising) Daddy water plants...

Thank you honey... I love my special island and I love you.